I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
