She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
