Only a mothe r could love this liver
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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