I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's the barista slut.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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