He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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