Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Two words: blizzard sex
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
