He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
