Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
