Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
