Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
