apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
