Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
