3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
