Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
