A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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