just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
