She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
