My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
