things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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