operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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