All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
