Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You have to summon your inner elephant
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
