): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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