my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
