nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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