I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We're too hungover to prance.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
