We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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