Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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