i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
