what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
