I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
