Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
is it fun? or sober?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
