It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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