So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
