Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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