Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
