She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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