I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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