That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
