That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
