grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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