If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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