idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
