bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
