I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
