He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
