maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
