Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My vagina is very pro this idea
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
