Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
