I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
