i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
