If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
