I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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