Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
