She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
