I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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