sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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